Simon had his abdominal ultrasound scan on Friday, and it was reassuring.
Yes, there are gallstones and sludge in the gallbladder, as expected, but there’s nothing else sinister going on in there. Also, the gallbladder itself is fairly thin walled and relaxed, ready and waiting to be whipped out by our friendly travelling general surgeon in a month’s time. Incidentally, he believes, even now, that Simon is adhering faithfully to his no fat diet. Bless.
Of course life would have been easier if we could have had access to the CT scan he had done in Glasgow, or even the report, but they refused to give it to us. In the UK, the patient’s notes belong to the NHS, not the patient, unlike here in New Zealand. For my entire career, we’ve always had to be a little wary of what we write in the medical notes, knowing that the patient might one day see what you’ve written. And quite rightly, you may say – and I’d agree with you. But when I started out in medicine, this was not the prevailing culture at all. Often you would see things written that would cause a snicker or a raised eyebrow. Cunning acronyms would give the illusion that only another medical professional would understand what you’d written, but surely that was just wishful thinking.
Of course, we still have medical acronyms, some of which are useful and inoffensive, although mildly annoying if you don’t happen to know the particular one being used. An example would be FOOSH, fall on an outstretched hand, a typical cause of a broken arm. Also, of course, ECG, BP, TOE (trans oesophageal echocardiogram), that sort of thing.
Some I’ve heard used but never seen written down, such as FLK for funny looking kid. These can sometimes be explained by an accompanying FLP (funny looking parent).
TWAT is clearly a more modern acronym – tried walking and texting, as an explanation for an injury – but again, I’ve never actually seen it written down.
NFN, normal for Norfolk, obviously isn’t used here, but could possibly be there in a modified form for some of our more isolated rural communities.
The terms LOL in NAD (little old lady in no apparent distress) and GOMER (get out of my emergency room) were made famous in the book House of God by Samuel Shem, a semi autobiographical book written by an American doctor in the 70s. It gives you a real feeling for the dehumanising effect of medical training. So much for “the caring professions”.
FUBAR BUNDY, fucked up beyond all repair/reason/recognition, but unfortunately not dead yet, is one in a similar vein. The first part is also used in the military and wider community I think.
The O sign is shown by someone who is unconscious, and refers to the mouth hanging open. The Q sign demonstrates a further deterioration, when the tongue is now hanging out. You might occasionally hear these spoken of.
There are many more. I found the following article which is actually quite horrifying in its callousness. I think you can be reassured that the majority of healthcare workers these days wouldn’t dream of writing any of these things, not for fear of reprisals or because we’re all too woke, but because….actually I realise I don’t know why we wouldn’t now. It would just be anathema. Is it because our working conditions are better so that we’re able to retain our humanity? Is it just a culture thing? I don’t know. Whatever the reason, good riddance.