My mind is a seething cauldron of thought snippets most of the time, and lacking any hard evidence to the contrary, I’m going to assume that this is pretty standard for most people.
I’m making the time to write this post because I’m sitting by myself on the beach while other members of my family are off snorkeling. I’d be with them, especially as it’s so hot, but my mask and snorkel got knocked out of my hands by a rogue wave this morning as I was exiting the sea after an early morning swim. My daughter’s theory had been that the fish would be more active at the break of day, improving our chances of seeing again the black tipped reef shark she saw yesterday. No such luck – although I did see a turtle – and I am now maskless.
So, back to the thoughts. My best evidence that other people also have minds full of random ideas is that during the wind down period at the end of a yoga session, in the shavasana or corpse pose, they tell you how to manage thoughts that just pop into your head. I’m fairly sure that if I’d stuck with my flirtation with meditation practice last year, I might be better at dealing with an unregulated mind. I hasten to say, I’m not talking about intrusive thoughts here. By that I mean, rude or violent thoughts towards others, that might get expressed if you had Tourette’s or were dementing. And I’m not even talking about the multiplicity of regrets that tend to surface in the sleepless early hours. It’s just more of a disorganized jumble, although usually narrated in my own voice doing an impression of a disapproving schoolteacher. Does it really matter? I suppose not, if your actions and conversations give the appearance of coordinated thought.
Or is it just me?
……….
On further reflection, I think I probably need to give some examples of typical thought processes that pass through my mind. So, here’s a representative snippet of ten minutes of conscious brain activity during my snorkeling session this morning, before the rogue wave incident.
”Ooh it’s colder and darker than I was expecting, not sure this early snorkel was a good idea. Will I warm up if I try to swim more vigorously? Oh look Samantha and Joe don’t have flippers, was that deliberate or did they forget? Why didn’t I notice before so I could have reminded them? Why am I so dumb? Ooh that’s a pretty fish. Is the visibility better than yesterday? I wonder if I should have rinsed the soap out of my mask to stop it fogging? Why is it so hard to find a good solution to the fogging problem? Ugh my snorkel is filling with water, I’m going to have to tip it out again. I wonder if it’s broken or is it just the choppy water coming down the top? Maybe I’m holding my head wrong? This snorkeling is great, is it better or worse than the others side of the bay? How does it compare to other Pacific islands we’ve been to? Oh look a turtle! I’m going to try and swim up to it. Oh no, it’s getting away! I saw it, at least. Not sure I really want to see a shark. I’m not terrified of the idea though, not like when I was younger after watching ‘Jaws’. What would I do if a shark bit one of us? If I had to choose someone to be eaten by a shark , who would it be? I suppose I’d be the obvious candidate, the children seem very attached to Simon. Do I need to go to the toilet? Should I have had that coffee before coming out? Shall I have the waffles for breakfast again this morning? They’ve been consistently good but is it time I tried something else? I’m still cold though, I wonder when we should be thinking about turning around?”
All of this while giving the outward appearance of calmly swimming along, appreciating the moment.