![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/accordingtokirsty.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/IMG_1071.jpeg?resize=300%2C182&ssl=1\")
<\/p>\nI love euphemisms.<\/p>\n
Maybe it\u2019s a tragic sign of how English language speakers can\u2019t talk openly and honestly about so many things. It\u2019s quite possibly true, but that\u2019s OK because they are often hilarious. Typical difficult subjects for us are anything to do with death, sex, excretion, or just about any other bodily function. We\u2019re not just talking synonyms here – this is about saying things in a way that doesn\u2019t make your maiden aunt uncomfortable. (This is the \u201cmaiden aunt\u201d of fiction, whose natural habitat is suburban or rural 1950s England and\/or Agatha Christie novels.) Typically these phrases tend to be mealy mouthed and dull, but my favourites are obscure joys.<\/p>\n
Toilet breaks are a rich source of euphemisms. On the one hand, I don\u2019t think anyone outside their immediate friends and family can get away with \u201cI need a crap\u201d, although interestingly \u201cI need to pee\/(have) a wee\u201d is probably fine. I consider \u201cI need the bathroom \u201c a weaselly Americanism for \u201cI need to go to the toilet\/loo (or even lavvy, for lavatory)\u201d<\/p>\n
More interesting and therefore acceptable to me is \u201cI need to powder my nose\u201d, which unfortunately you hardly ever hear these days. Bizarrely, if you did want to actually powder your nose, it had its own euphemism \u201cI need to freshen up\u201d. Nowt as queer as folk, am I right? The best of all on this topic, and possibly my favourite on any subject, is \u201cI have to see a man about a dog\u201d, which must have left generations of non English speakers completely befuddled.<\/p>\n
Euphemisms for death are another rich subject. I consider \u201cpassed\u201d another milquetoast term in the same bracket as \u201cbathroom\u201d. Much better are any of the ones used in the Monty Python parrot sketch:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/accordingtokirsty.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/IMG_1072.jpeg?resize=525%2C721&ssl=1\")
<\/p>\n
Or even more obscure and delightful \u201che\u2019s stuck his spoon into the wall\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I love euphemisms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa8Ukf-3fB","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":240,"url":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/2018\/08\/20\/no-messing-about\/","url_meta":{"origin":12499,"position":0},"title":"No messing about","author":"Interloper11","date":"August 20, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Canadians have no need for euphemisms, it seems. This instead of \u201cdo not disturb\u201d, and this: Instead of \u201cplease make up my room\u201d. Ouch. \u00a0","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/accordingtokirsty.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/CB25EDAB-E004-42EB-8F85-C14A54F5B0EC-300x225.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5795,"url":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/2020\/11\/22\/mealy-mouthed\/","url_meta":{"origin":12499,"position":1},"title":"Mealy mouthed","author":"Interloper11","date":"November 22, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Of all the euphemisms with which cemeteries invariably abound, these are my least favourite: The last thing you want when you \u201cfall asleep\u201d is to be chucked in a wooden box and buried deep underground. \u201cPeacefully sleeping\u201d until you are rudely awoken and mightily pissed off in that case, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/accordingtokirsty.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/7C4B9DFC-6540-4CF0-9396-6A7AC154D9F0-300x225.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":391,"url":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/14\/sad\/","url_meta":{"origin":12499,"position":2},"title":"Sad","author":"Interloper11","date":"September 14, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Was hoping to post my best received work email of all time, which was actually one written by my daughter Samantha in her last year at school: \u201cSam\u2019s Agony Aunt or whatever replies\u201d, September 2015. \u00a0I got so many emails and comments from colleagues \u201cshe\u2019s so clever\/witty\/funny\/charming\/talented\u201d - far more\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8787,"url":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/2023\/03\/30\/8787\/","url_meta":{"origin":12499,"position":3},"title":"Where is the respect?","author":"Interloper11","date":"March 30, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"I have recently come to the sad realisation that, while my husband is regarded by our offspring with a mixture of love and respect, I am viewed with the amused scorn and gentle pity more typically reserved for an elderly demented great aunt. It\u2019s a long way from \u201cCool Mom\u201d\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/accordingtokirsty.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/0CF90498-635D-4FEB-8A37-39207D0DBA29-251x300.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2429,"url":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/2019\/05\/23\/a-rose\/","url_meta":{"origin":12499,"position":4},"title":"A rose","author":"Interloper11","date":"May 23, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Jordan is my married name. My husband wasn\u2019t keen on there being two Dr Jordan\u2019s in the house, but I\u2019d had enough of my childhood surname of Maule. Even if people don\u2019t laugh (and I well remember a certain Mr Lynch gripped by uncontrollable mirth when he heard my name),\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/accordingtokirsty.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/4BCE0DDC-FA4A-4BE5-9FD0-972E3D8F019F-266x300.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4076,"url":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/18\/pew-pew\/","url_meta":{"origin":12499,"position":5},"title":"Pew pew!","author":"Interloper11","date":"January 18, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Watched half of the OG (and best) Star Wars movie (episode IV A New Hope) last night (just half because we\u2019d spent most of the evening trying to get iTunes to work.) It\u2019s still a terrific movie. OK, there is a distinct lack of diversity, and the female characters are\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/accordingtokirsty.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/2AF5077C-6147-4CE1-A573-54C4D9E05F8A-150x300.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12499","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12499"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12499\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12499"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12499"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accordingtokirsty.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12499"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}