In which our hero fucks up another holiday with an unexpected but debilitating physical malady.
I have lice. Not on my head: it’s the confusingly named sea lice, which got me on my hands, ankles, and waist – everywhere my wet suit didn’t cover.
Such a shame because 48 hours ago I had the best snorkeling experience of my life. Huge shoals of varied fish, healthy coral, a drop off that wasn’t too intimidating, and all just a stone’s throw from where I’m writing this.
I noticed a strange tingling in my hands while I was out, like hundreds of tiny pin pricks, but I couldn’t see anything on my hands or in the water, so I ignored it. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, just taking a short walk across the island to the other cheaper resort, just to confirm that it was correspondingly inferior, which, very satisfyingly, it was.
As I was going to bed that night, I noticed the back of my hands felt a bit warm, as if I’d got sunburned. In the middle of the night though, I started getting a painful burning itch at my wrists. I had many troubling dreams that included my poor hands in the narrative, and then finally woke up shortly after midnight. I assumed some mosquitoes had made it into our villa, took an anti inflammatory, put some steroid cream on it and tried to go back to sleep.
It was no better the next day, but distraction made it easier to ignore, so it didn’t deter me from the trip we’d organised to visit the island where Castaway with Tom Hanks was filmed. I soon learnt that putting the affected areas in cold water was the only thing that helped, which was why I was sitting shivering in the pool on our deck at 2 am this morning. Our native Fijian guide told us lemon juice would help, but it didn’t. I suspect it might have been helpful if I’d applied it as soon as I got back from the swim, when I’d first been exposed. By the time the symptoms appeared it was probably already too late. In desperation, I took 40 mg of prednisone before I went to bed last night (not advised! If symptoms persist, see a medical professional!) It’s slightly better today and I suppose it’s been a learning experience. It’s easier to be philosophical now that I’m feeling a little better.
The other thing I learnt yesterday was how to crack a coconut in half just with an ordinary knife, a skill I’m going to try next time I go to a supermarket and find coconuts for sale. I feel some chagrin when I think of my feeble efforts last time I bought one when the kids were younger. We ended up throwing it hard against the concrete multiple times before it cracked, and we lost all the liquid from inside. This will be a valuable skill if I ever get stuck on a tropical island or even as a party trick to impress friends and family. I hope I don’t forget it before the need arises.