Managed to get a short notice appointment for ear wax removal last Tuesday, as a result of a cancellation.
The nurse (I assume she was a nurse?) was very nice. Because I was in a bit of a flap, having had to race to get there on time, when she asked me how I perforated my eardrum, I didn’t prevaricate. The truth was out. I stuck a bobby pin in my ear to try and clear the wax out, I said, and having said it, I immediately felt a great sense of relief. She didn’t tell me off, because we both knew it was a dumb thing to have done.
It turns out the blocked feeling I currently have on that side is purely from the ruptured drum – there was hardly any wax in there at all. In contrast, my ear was 80% blocked on the other side. Hence, when she cleared out that side there was no delicious sense of relief from blockage at all. Disappointing, although (trigger alert for disgusting content) the giant lump of wax she got out with her sucker contraption and showed me was most gratifying.
Having said all the above, when she spoke to me about the absolute importance of keeping my ears dry, including an absolute moratorium on swimming, I smiled and nodded and said “yes!” and “uh huh!”, and never mentioned the Pacific Island holiday that I had planned for that very weekend coming. Of course, no one that knows me would believe that I could keep out of the water when snorkelling in tropical waters was on offer. So, I didn’t burden her with what would only upset her (and lead to a telling off for me.)
On the plus side, I did buy a very expensive pair of swimming earplugs from her receptionist which did a fantastic job when I used them just now. So, hopefully she need never know of my transgressions. And, I did just get to swim with a turtle, as well as see some enormous fish hanging out under the end of the pier, narrowly avoiding the incoming ferry and some dive bombing seagulls – I’m afraid this is the sort of stuff that makes my life worth living, no matter the cost.
Note I expect no pity if I get some terrible ear abscess or similar. Also did I mention all the beaches were closed in New Caledonia last year due to shark attacks? Simon is just checking the fine print on our travel insurance.