Had an accidental success in improving my own well-being a few weeks ago which I’ve been meaning to share but hadn’t yet got around to.
I’ve always been the queen of 3 am regrets that keep me awake. My husband swears that he’s never bothered by regret about anything, which might be part of the reason he can fall instantly and deeply asleep at will, a talent I have always coveted.
The 3 am wakefulness has such a power over me that as soon as I realize I’m awake and it’s still dark, I’m jolted fully awake with the fear of insomnia. This is definitely unhelpful but hard to stop. I’ve tried many tricks for dealing with intrusive thoughts over the years, such as imagining each thought as a balloon floating above me, that I can get rid of by simply thinking of letting go of the string and having it fly away. None of these techniques have been particularly helpful.
Then, one unremarkable day a few weeks ago as I was out walking the dogs, I thought to myself, what would I say to a friend or colleague that this bad event happened to? Would I berate them for their stupidity? No, I wouldn’t. I’d say something to make them feel better, and I would really mean it. “That’s terrible! You poor thing. What miserable bad luck. But you did the best you could, and you can’t do better than that.”
So, the next mental leap was to say, OK, why not apply that same kindness to my younger self? Mind blown! Suddenly I feel empathy for the younger me, who has certainly made mistakes but with the best of intentions. And even if my intentions weren’t always good, I can forgive myself because I was young and thoughtless.
And somehow, almost magically, my crippling regrets have diminished hugely. I’m not saying I’ve found the secret to happiness or insomnia – heaven knows there are plenty of other things to keep me awake at night – such as present day concerns. But it still feels as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So there you go. I’m gifting you this superpower, do with it what you will. Good luck.