Two for the price of one! This is the pick of the two, to be honest.
From: Kirsty Jordan
Sent: Friday, 17 February 2017 1:53 PM
To: Wellington Anaesthesia All Staff
Subject: Love sick
Hi All,
I’m feeling a bit under the weather today, and plan to head off home as soon as I’ve written this. I think it’s just a cold, but as I was in Brazil earlier in the week, Zika virus is another possibility, which is about as common as acute lead poisoning over there at the moment. Got back on Valentines day, but I didn’t get my first card until yesterday. Well, it wasn’t so much a card, as a hand written note left on my bicycle, by “Tim”. Tim is obviously quite a reticent person, as rather than confess his feelings openly, he disguised it as an indictment on my bicycle locking ability. But you’re not fooling anyone, you silly boy! My ebike has another locking feature, which renders the wheels immobile, severely impairing it’s usefulness as a mode of transport. Sure, you could lift it up and carry it away, but as you know, that f**ker weighs a ton, and if you tried to put it into the back of your truck, I’d probably notice as it’s just outside my office. Why the need to hide your love for a middle aged scheduling lady with this tissue of lies? It’s 2017 man! Well, I didn’t have much time yesterday to reflect on poor repressed Tim, because, as Chris carelessly revealed last week, I had a shoulder ultrasound booked. This was a horrendous experience, which took me completely by surprise. Before this I thought radiographers and ultrasonographers were lovely, kind people. They seem to put up with all sorts of grumpiness in theatre and never lose their cool: but now I know the truth – under that gentle exterior lies the heart of a brutal sadist. You know, if I could put my hand in my back pocket like you’re asking me to, I wouldn’t need the ultrasound in the first place, would I? And yes, of course I’m hunched over: I’m in agony, you stupid woman. And you’re not fooling anyone with that cheery “just hold it, I’m nearly finished…” I’m just waiting for the result now. I’m thinking of something like “that’s the worst injury I’ve ever seen, how terribly brave you’ve been to put up with the no doubt excruciating pain for so long, no you don’t need surgery because I can fix it in a jiffy with this painless injection….” Fingers crossed.
In the meantime, we are still unloading boxes in our house, and bemoaning the lack of space. More excess furniture off to charity, unless anyone wants a spare bookshelf, lounge suite, desk, rowing machine…
………….
That’s it for me, I’m off home to bed. I will be monitoring developments via the miracle of wifi and my ipad, though, so keep me up to date with any news/concerns you have, and I will be just as responsive as I usually am.
Hasta luego.