A stabbing pain

Don’t worry! they said. Your beautiful expensive new ear piercings will be super easy to remove! Just a simple screw mechanism, and you’ll be able to change them quickly and easily! How good is that!!!

Well, not good at all, as it turns out. After half an hour of blood, sweat, and tears, I had to break out the heavy artillery.

Next time I get a piercing – which I won’t – I’m just going to the local chemist where they can shoot me with their much maligned ear gun and I’ll be away laughing. I knew I didn’t belong with the multiply pierced and tattooed millennials club.

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