I spent a few weeks on holiday between this email and the previous one. I think the rest did me good.
From: Kirsty Jordan
Sent: Friday, 2 October 2015
To: Wellington Anaesthesia All Staff
Subject: next weeks schedule
Hi All,
So glad I didn’t send out a provisional schedule earlier this week, as it’s changed beyond all recognition over the last few days. Partly because of all the paeds cases they’ve decided to let us know about at the last minute, but mostly because the under managers who were all too afraid to fess up that their surgeons were on holiday and they couldn’t backfill their lists, have finally had to come clean this morning at production planning, much to the dismay of the assembled middle managers, who have recently started talking about targets again. This also means that there is an even higher than usual risk of cock ups from our end (ie by me) so further reason to scrutinize the schedule even more closely than usual. Problems to me ASAP, please. I’m trying to blame Sally for as much as I can while she is still away, so I’m particularly keen to hear about problems with leave. My own leave balance letter hasn’t yet made it out of Justine’s too hard basket, so I’m bracing myself for the worst. I’ve taken next Tuesday off at short notice just in case.
I notice some wag (love that word) (actually I think it was Chris J) has filled the empty spots on the dept photo board for Drs Q and R with a drawing of Trump doing a belly flop. That’ll learn them for not organizing their own photo’s. Actually I believe Nick R tried to persuade Louise just to use his old picture, but she said that wouldn’t work because he looks so much older now. I got home after work yesterday evening to discover I had a big glob of unidentified substance on my face, not sure how long it had been there? The problem with aging is you forget to check what you look like in the mirror all the time like you used to when you were young and self conscious. Another unpleasant feature of aging is decaying brain function. I was quite worried before I went on my recent trip, but after a fortnight with two of my best friends I realized it wasn’t just me and was reassured. Had a fabulous time in France, although I somehow managed to crack a tooth on pate de foie gras on my last night, which is quite an accomplishment as it has the texture of butter. Indeed after two weeks of wine and cheese I expect my own liver would have made a pate of similar consistency. My blood test for lipids this morning may have been poorly timed. My GP, as well as suggesting a bottle of wine a week was probably overdoing it (pshaw), has suggested brain training with one of those online programs. I thought I was doing quite well with it – last night I managed to remember 10 random items in a row – but then this morning my daughter tried it for the first time and got up to 35. I was quite disheartened. Maybe this rumour that Mark Zucherburg has been sneaking into people’s houses at night and eating their brains with a grapefruit spoon were true. I’ve been spending too much time on facebook.
(Eds note: There followed a very detailed explanation of plans for the anaesthetic department for the week, which I have omitted in it’s entirety, knowing that it is of limited interest to a general audience.)
Phew! Need a holiday.