I have decided the all round absolute worst fairy tale in my ladybird series is The Princess and the Pea.
The book starts off following a prince who seems a reasonable enough guy apart from his unhealthy fixation with marrying a “real” princess.
So, old enough to marry (18? 19?), he sets off on his quest.
Page boy: He’s cute, but OMG is he dumb.
Sadly none of the so called princesses he meets are up to the job – too tall, small, sad, or gay (meaning only happy in those times ie. the 60’s when the book was written) – in spite of having parents who are kings and queens. What is this mysterious quality that he is looking for, exactly? We are soon to find out. Finally he returns home to the castle, defeated (to get a job maybe? As if!)
One dark and stormy night (it doesn’t say that but it should), a sopping woman turns up at the door. The king, in full regalia, lets her in (presumably the staffing budget won’t stretch to a doorman?)
This highly suspicious circumstance is never explained. She does say that she is a real princess, though, so clearly that’s all right then. Plus, she’s pretty and scrubs up well. The only other thing we hear from her is the following day, when she complains that her bed was super uncomfortable (the queen has decided to check her claims with a foolproof experiment: trial by pea. This was the days before genetic testing, remember). And this is meant to be a good thing? If she moans about a pea under twenty mattresses, what else is she going to whine about during their long life together?? Whoops, I’ve given away the ending. Anyway, the poor fool deserves all the pain he’s going to get in the future due to his very poor decision making: “darling, can we upgrade this carriage? It’s sooooo uncomfortable…” “These woollen dresses are super scratchy, I’m afraid I’m going to have to replace my entire wardrobe with silk and satin. Don’t worry about the expense, they’ll give us a discount for buying in bulk…” “I’m so lonely, I’ve asked my parents to move in with us, of course they are a king and queen but they’re disguised as a humble woodcutter and his wife, or actually what really happened was a wicked witch turned them into a humble woodcutter and his wife with an evil spell. Yeah, that’s it. Next week too soon?”
Overall rating: 2/10 for the pictures. Hide this from your children.