The worst part about being married to a Simon is the problem of reported speech. Early on in our relationship I had a lot of trouble trying to avoid the phrase “Simon says…” because of the old children’s game. You know the one – you say “Simon says…” followed by some instruction like “touch your toes”, and everyone has to follow along, until at some point you just say the instruction without saying “Simon says” first – and when the less attentive amongst you does the thing anyway, everyone mocks the poor soul, to general hilarity. Ah, the simple pleasures of youth!
In order to avoid this classic phrase, then, I used to tie myself up in knots with “Simon tells me”, or “Simon believes” or some such similar phraseology. Of course, it begs the question, why was I telling a third party things that Simon had said to me, anyway? Pretty strange. Couldn’t he speak for himself? Couldn’t I just report my own views on a subject? Anyway, it never seems to be much of a problem any more. Is it because no one ever plays such lame games these days, when they could be on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook (only for old people), or playing Minecraft? I guess a cynic might say that having been married so long we no longer have any idea on each other’s views on any particular subject – or worse, we haven’t been listening when the other one’s been trying to explain. I’m sure that’s not the reason. Simon says I am a very good listener.