Advice to my younger self

OK, it’s only been 12 hours, but what would I say to myself about last nights senior doctor cocktail party if I could?

1) You washed your hair and then walked to the venue in the rain, and then never once checked how it looked in a bathroom mirror. It turns out there is something worse than frizz, and that’s that rigid slicked back/wet look/“there’s something about Mary” vibe that you had going on there.

2) You can’t just pile on loads of slap and not continually monitor the damn stuff. Heaven knows how women do it that wear make up all the time, but when you’re a novice (how embarrassing is that at your age??), it just doesn’t have that longevity. Obviously lipstick is renowned for it’s impermanent nature (where does it go? I hate to think), but I can’t understand why mascara needs to flow about the way it does. Panda eyes may be acceptable the morning after, but never on the night. Again, at least one bathroom mirror check would have helped enormously. And no, you can’t just keep asking the people around you how you look (you know you did that) – what do you expect them to say? No skin off their nose to say you look great and then move on to something else. Remember that (one! Ha) time when you went the whole day with spinach on your teeth? Same thing here.

3) Is this really the best night to break out that dress with the plunging neckline? Your cleavage has spent it’s entire life modestly covered, does it need exposure right now, this minute? There’s a reason that dress has sat unworn in your closet for the past 20 years. You have plenty of outfits that look good without flashing your breasts in a way that’s only going to make you feel uneasy. Please reconsider.

4) OMG you’ve reached your age and still don’t realize every second drink should be water or something non alcoholic? Don’t you have three children that you regularly give that advice to? Shame on you. If you didn’t need to pee the entire night (which would have given you the chance for bathroom mirror appearance checks as noted above) then clearly you were dehydrated. And that’s why you felt ill when you went to bed, and are still feeling dusty the next morning.

5) All of the above notwithstanding, you had a great time. As you tell your daughters, no one cares how you look, they’re all concerned about their own appearance. Is that as true now as when we were all painfully self conscious adolescents? Good question. I don’t think so – there has to be some benefit to growing old! And actually, sparkling wit and amusing conversation trump appearance every time. Now, get out there and enjoy yourself.