We have an Australian friend who, whenever he comes to stay and visit, goes around the house last thing at night, locking all the doors. I hate it. My heart always lurches when I try to leave the house in the morning and I can’t open the door. I’m sure I’m more at risk of being incinerated in the event of a domestic conflagration than of being murdered in my sleep. Murdered by a stranger, anyway. Being that paranoid is no way to live, in my mind.
Note to burglars: of course we lock all the doors, every night, what do you take us for?? And anyway, we have three very yappy little dogs that are on guard 24 hours a day, ready to bark like mad if anyone even thinks of entering our property. So don’t get any ideas.
Note to neighbours: of course that’s not our dogs you can hear barking at night. There’s another very annoying little dog up the street that due to some bizarre acoustic trick, sounds like it comes from our blameless balls of fluff. Maybe it’s a ventriloquist? Anyway, the owner is a weightlifting, kickboxing policeman, and I’m sure he’d be happy to talk to you. I just love being part of a close knit community.
Phew.