Dear Poncey Private School,
Thank you for your invoice of $80 for the overdue library book, a copy of 1984 which can be bought for around $10 from any bookshop. It’s a completely in character final kick in the teeth before we sever all ties with each other (Old Girls Association? Don’t make me laugh.) It’s another valuable lesson for our daughters: libraries, and mistakes, are for rich people.
The cheque is in the post.
Conned of Kelburn